Riverbottom Suckerfish played first, and they were amazing in more ways than one. Their drummer Nicole is positively insane, and the sound guy told me she reminded him of "Animal" from the Muppets. Their lead singer Christine is a great player and singer with killer taste in guitar tone. No wonder they don't need a bass player!

Jagged Spiral played second. It was a good-but-not-great set. I'll take the blame for our less-than-stellar performance. Or I could chalk it up to the round of Jagermeister shots SBI bought for us. Sabotage!

Deathroned had to cancel, so we got to relax a bit between songs and not setup/teardown so quickly.

S.B.I. played last and kicked ass with their best show I've seen so far. I tried to sabotage their show by buying them a round of Jagermeister shots, but it just made them better! Not fair. I'm glad they went last. I am jealous of Tony's bass rig, especially the wireless. I notice Mark now has a wireless mic. They were really tight. Sounds like they've been practicing... curse them!

[Editor's Warning: Danger, rant ahead, filled with bad words]

Speaking of curses,The St Paul Police Department were also there, and did a stellar job of placing a parking ticket on my car. The ticket was for parking after 2:00 AM. It was placed at 2:10 AM with all the precision craftsmanship one would expect from St. Paul's Finest. It couldn't have been easy to place the ticket on my car between my trips back and forth from loading gear out, but I have a feeling this must have been a Special Ninja Parking Ticket Officer, trained in the arts of stealth and speed.

Hey, St Paul Traffic Ninja? How about you leave musicians alone, huh? Who else would be at the load-in to Station-4 at 2AM? Bars close at 2AM right? So you start handing out tickets before bands can finish loading out their fucking gear? Do you think we make a ton of money playing on a Thursday night? Jagged Spiral made $11.50 (split that three ways) and spent a lot more than that on drinks and food, and then I get a $25 PARKING TICKET because I can't load my gear out in ten minutes? Thanks much, [place your own derogatory noun/adjective here].

Don't worry, I'll make sure to get my $25 worth next time I'm in St Paul.

[Editors Note: We are now clear of ranting and return you to your regularly scheduled blog post already in progress...]

Financial matters aside, we had a fabulous time with Riverbottom Suckerfish and S.B.I. lots of fun people and good times. Station-4 is such an awesome venue, a great sound system, I just wish they had a parking lot.

-Z

Labels: As the Jagged Spirals, Concert

...you probably think it's Jagged Spiral, but the City Pages doesn't. They think it's a band called Knife World.

Readers Choice was Vampire Hands. I love Vampire Hands myself, they put on a good live show with lots of energy.

However, neither of these bands really strike me as "Rock". Neither does Jagged Spiral for that matter. Maybe its just me, but they sound too 'indie' and not enough 'rock'. Seems there are better selections for best Rock band.

Check out The Bullets. Or Tonnage. Or Caultron Girl. Or Six-Six-Crush. Any one of these bands would Rock the piss out of Knife World AND Vampire Hands AND Jagged Spiral, and they'd do it with two guitar strings tied behind their back.

Gay Witch Abortion would probably get my vote for best local Rock band. Two absolute madmen with savage tone, who don't really need bass or vocals to rock the planet. Catch one of their live shows if you get a chance, before their music is banned for being "Too Rock".

Thanks to everyone who voted for us in the City Pages annual "Best Of".

-Z

Labels: As the Jagged Spirals, Contest

Firstly, thanks to everyone who bought tickets and came out to support Jagged Spiral last Sunday in the 2009 Battle of the Bands. We had a great time, and hope you did too.

I just found out the winner of the battle ended up being The Company Don't trust the songs on their myspace, they put a lot of Energy and Fun into their set.

I got to speak to them at the battle of the bands (as they were tearing down and we were setting up) .

"Thanks alot," I said wryly, "you guys coulda sucked!"

But Xtna put it into perspective for me. I said, "How can we compete with that? Those guys were great!"

She looked at me sternly and said, "Your job is not to beat them, your job right now is to go up there and Scare the Children."

So we did. I'd say we decimated all other bands that night on several levels. The Richter Scale would be one of them. A spiritual scale would be another one. I guarantee you some of the fans of The Company are still huddled under the stairs, shivering with fear. And Jagged Spiral drank more than the other bands and their fans combined. (...mostly because they weren't old enough to drink.)

But we couldn't beat them in ticket sales. Ah well, like Sun Tzu says; choose your battles.

Thanks to Mark, Tony and Justin from SBI for showing up and supporting the Spiral, and thanks to Kim, Nancy, James, Teresa, Dan, Boog, Fast Eddie, The Fox, Jess, Jenn, Xtna and anyone else who made it or bought a ticket for the show (Saveau reported that he was present at the show in spirit, and from the symptoms he described, no one would have wanted him physically present...)

Stay tuned for more Jagged Spiral nonsense coming your way this Spring...

Cheers,
-Zero

Labels: As the Jagged Spirals, Jagged Live

The Jagged Spiral Marketing and Promotional Headquarters has been overwhelmed with requests to verify rumors of a Jagged Spiral Reunion Tour. We can neither confirm nor deny these allegations [Authors Note: Actually, Sugar told us that we're best not to even talk about it. Furthermore, she told me I better not blog about this, but that's OK, I've been blogging AND drinking, and she didn't say anything about Blinking...]

I can only say without fear of contraception that a Reunion Tour for Jagged Spiral would be difficult, if not impossible for the simple fact that we haven't broken up. At least, if we *had* broken up, I'm sure the guys would have told me about it. Pretty sure.

For further details about the rumored tour, I've been told to defer all questions to our new Public Relations Manager; Tom Waits, who held a press conference to clarify and/or obfuscate all the details of the Very Likely Only A Rumor And Not An Official Jagged Spiral Reunion Tour, which has been code-named "Operation: Glitter and Doom", (which is not to be confused with the Tom Waits album of the same name).

Labels: As the Jagged Spirals, Press Release

Not Jagged Spiral.

The win was handed to a band called Ill-Gotten

I can't say I'm surprised or disappointed. Although I don't care for Ill-Gotten's genre of music, they were as professional, tight, talented and energetic as any other band at the event...

...but they had more fans.

Nothing against the production company, but when all other factors are balanced out, the Battle of the Bands turns from a Talent Contest into a Popularity Contest, and that's something Jagged Spiral simply can't win. At least, not at this early stage of our musical career. Let's be honest, the people who came to see us play were friends and family, not fans.

Looking on the bright side, we got one more live show notch in our bullet-belt, and we got to play out to a crowded house of people on a weekend, and Colin was in bed by a reasonable hour. Jam Solid Productions has us on their list to contact for future promotions. We got some video that we can review and use to critique our live performance. (Unfortunately, nothing useful enough to post to the web due to technical difficulties...) We also met up with a local band called S.B.I. who enjoyed hearing us and want to set up another show with us in the near future.

I'll post pix of the event, as soon as I can find the USB cable for my camera...

-Zero

Labels: As the Jagged Spirals, Jagged Live

[NEWS UPDATE: MINNEAPOLIS]
In an astonishing and completely unexpected career move, local "Northern Rock" band, Jagged Spiral (www.jaggedspiral.com) will be competing in Jam Productions 'Battle of the Bands' Competition at the Dinkytowner Cafe. This Sunday Feb 10th, between 4 and 10PM. Eight bands are on the ballot, and a panel of experts will vote on the winner. Factors affecting the voting include:

• professionalism


• pre-concert ticket sales


• vocal and instrumental performance


• audience response


• the ability to appear to answer questions without really answering them

The winning band will move on to the finals, to compete for a grand prize promotional package including studio recording time, CD duplication, T-Shirts, Posters, etc...

The Minneapolis music scene is in shock, many of them outraged at this underdog joining the race so late in the game. While the other candidates scramble to defend their platforms, Jagged Spiral...doesn't seem to have one. Guitarist Colin Mallon and Percussionist Josh Kattelman could not be reached for comment. Bass Player and Vocalist, Conrad Zero, only responded using sign language indicating disapproval.

The only significant communication from the band has come from Jagged Spiral's manager, a mysterious female voice on the phone going by the name 'Sugar'. We were able to get this statement from her:

"The People have had enough. Enough of Emo. Enough of DJs. Enough Gangsa Rap. Enough Bad Music. Jagged Spiral aren't here to upset the apple cart of the Minneapolis music scene, they're here to burn it, and use the ashes as warpaint when they go onstage."

Jagged Spiral has already caused waves in 2007 when they released the first chapter of their manifesto: a concept album called "Days From Evil". All the songs from the album are free to download from their website, with a link for accepting donations, basically allowing fans to set the price for themselves. Other bands, notably Radiohead and Atmosphere have since followed suit, much to the chagrin of the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA).

A member of one competing band (who wished to remain anonymous) said, "Jagged Spiral? They can't possibly win, so why are they even on the ballot? They're no threat to us."

Concerned citizens who wish to influence the course of Minneapolis Music History should plan to attend the event and make their opinions heard. Tickets are $8 and can be purchased by contacting conradzero@gmail.com or calling 612-216-8602.

[END OF MESSAGE]

-Z

Labels: As the Jagged Spirals, Concert, Jagged Live

Once upon a time, [Author's Note: 30 Apr 2007] in a land far, far away [Author's Note: Crystal MN] there was a band named Jagged Spiral, practicing in the garage.

You might have heard this story before. Well, here is the proof:



-Zero

Labels: As the Jagged Spirals, Jagged Live, Video

And lo, God looked out upon the Earth, and saw the multitudes listening to wretched music.

"What the hell is this?" The Lord yelled in a voice loud enough to...well, to shake the heavens, "What is this abomination?"

"It is called Dashboard Confessional, Oh Most Merciful and Joyous Lord."

"I find it difficult to be Joyous," the Lord snapped, "listening to that pitiful wailing! Pete, pull up skype and get me Lucifer on the webcam. Now!"

"At once, my Lord," St Peter murmured.

And lo, the face of That Accursed Fiend; Lucifer, appeared on the computer screen. Her eyes flashed a caustic black, her red lips pulled back in a sharp sneer.

"What do you want now?" she growled.

"What in Hades is going on?" The Lord winced, "What is this sound I hear rising up from the world? Music, if it can be called such, which makes even the tortured souls of the damned sound pleasant in comparison? What have you done to Chris Carrabba? What have you done to Spider-Man 3?"

"You old Wanker!" Lucifer interrupted, "It's called EMO, and it's a device of mankind's own free will, and none of my doing!"

"Ha, as if I would believe the Princess of Lies! Only someone as sick and evil as yourself could come up with such an atrocity to music, that it makes those who listen to it cry and cut themselves..."

"Alright," Lucifer snapped, "That's it! You just called me on the Wrong day. I have a hangover like you wouldn't believe, and I've been on the rag for three fucking days, and now you call to bitch about a musical genre that's been old news for months, and you wanna blame that pansy-rock on me? You want a musical atrocity? You fucking got it. I've got something I've been waiting to release; a weapon that's going to decimate Emo, Alternative AND Indie Rock! By the time I'm done, you'll be begging me to play you some Fall Out Boy!"

"You wouldn't *dare* bring back Black Sabbath!" the Lord turned a shade pale.

"Worse." Lucifer smiled sweetly.

The Lord's mind reeled at the possibilities.

"Blow me," he said, "Thou art bluffing."

"Swear to God," the Old She-Satan spat, and hung up on the No-Longer-Joyous Lord.

Lucifer spun, and stormed off, her heels clicking echoes down the dreary black marble halls, and a robe of smoke fluttering around her.

"Who does he think he is?" she said to herself as she picked up her i-phone and dialed a number from memory.

"Sugar here," a voice answered through a haze of bad cellular reception.

"Sugar, dahling," Lucifer drawled, as her face lit up with pleasure, "I have some openings for Jagged Spiral to play, do you think they might be interested dear?"

[...to be continued.]

Labels: As the Jagged Spirals

Being in a band is, in a lot of ways, like being in your stereotypical romantic relationship. Not exactly, mind you, but there are plenty of parallels you can draw between them. For instance, there is the initial stage of flirting/courtship, and the period of 'going steady'. There is the period of going through what likes/dislikes you have in common.

And one day there is a turning point in the relationship where you do something together that changes everything. You know of what I speak.

For a band, one of those turning points would be playing a live show at a public venue. Buried in your practice space, safe from the world, you can make all the shit-rock you want, but the minute you expose yourselves to public scrutiny, the possibility is opened that people you don't know and who have no vested interest in your happiness can critique your work, or your performance, or both, and they have no reason to be dishonest with you.

And so it comes to pass that Jagged Spiral has taken the next step on the path, and played together live on stage, opening up their work for criticism. After the show at Staisu's, I chatted with a handful of people, trying to get a feel for how the show went, and trying to read through the platitudes and compliments. Not that I wasn't thankful for the praise, but I wanted someone to tell me we sucked, or at least tell me we did something wrong, something we could use to make our future shows better. That information came, but not until the remaining handful of us were kicked out at 2AM.

I trudged out to the parking lot steeping in about 16 be-fucking-low zero.

"You guys were great!"

I recognized him right away. It was the guy who went up to Colin during the show, between songs and gave him some kind of advice. Later Colin told me the guy said Colin should turn down the low end on his guitar. I think the real problem was that I didn't have my bass amp up loud enough, but either way, the guy was drunk, and for sound problems, you complain to the guy at the sound board, not the band.

"You think so?" I responded.

"Feh," he slurred, "Who are you fucking kidding? You guys blew those other bands away! You're gonna be famous!"

I laughed.

"But you should stop whispering," he said, shaking his head, "Between the songs when you were talking to the audience. It don't matter if there's only a couple people here, you gotta talk to them like there's ten thousand!"

"Really," I stopped laughing.

"Hell yeah, cus' that's what you're gonna have. Ten thousand people, and you're gonna have to speak up. You can't whisper like that."

"Hey, thanks for the advice."


And so, some useful advice, and enough money to buy each band member an imported beer at the next practice, and Jagged Spiral walks away from Stasiu's paid, sweaty, and deflowered, but still wanting more...

-Z

Labels: As the Jagged Spirals, Feedback

On Saturday, the Spiral paid respects to the man who mastered Days From Evil, Reid Rejsa. He put the final coat of polish on the album for us. In return, we treated him to dinner at Sushi Tango in Uptown. Our server, Janelle, was the most informative sushi waitress one could ask for. Short of busting out a PowerPoint presentation on Sushi, she was able to help us wade through the menu, so to speak, and make some informative and tasty decisions.

I like sushi, but don't eat it often enough to know more than the difference between the dragon roll and a caterpillar roll. We ordered a smattering of everything, including a small whitefish, head and all, stuffed with rice and..well, himself. Once Vlad was et (we called him Vlad because he had a skewer though him, so obviously he was Vlad The Impaled) anyway, once he was emptied, the remains were taken by Janelle back to the chef, to be tossed into the deep fryer and then we had Vlad Round 2 (or Vlad The Deep-Fried). The eyes were said to be good luck, and Reid was given first pick, and he bravely chose the right eye, which he said had the consistency of a gummi-bear. Colin and Xtina had a Rock-Paper-Scissors contest for the other eye. Colin won...er, lost; depending on how you look at it. Either way, Colin ate the other eye. Our server said the eyes were supposed to be good luck.

All in all a great time, and it was good to sit back and celebrate two years of work.

-Z

Labels: As the Jagged Spirals, Days From Evil

So while The Spiral winds down from their exciting first public performance, and gathers forces to begin the takeover of Minneapolis (and the World eventually, natch) there is no lack of things to do; website updates and hashing out content ideas, video editing (Shh! Its a secret!), Days From Evil art concepts, credits, thanks, and paying back all the good and nice people who helped us make a good and evil recording.

Although nine tracks from Days From Evil are now permanently etched in digital bits, don't you dare think we're out of ammunition. Not even close. In fact, we have enough raw material to finish up and make a second album! I actually have a CD pressed with all the rough track outlines, labeled mysteriously "V2".

Lyrics and structure are locked down for three of the songs (Lament Part One, Push Me, and God Hates Emo, all of which debuted at the Halloween Party on the 27th) and rough lyrics are done for three others (Dragonslayer, Bad Kitty, and Horrorcloud). A handful of other tracks are just outlines now (Loon, Reign and Swap Meat [Editors Note: If you have a problem with the song names, talk to Colin - Z]) but as we are working to put together a full set, I have no doubt these songs will pull together over the next couple months.

So how does the new stuff sound? Well, I'll put it this way, the e-mails have been flying between band members about how to describe us, and what Genres we can actually fit into.

Looking at the list of bands we think we sound like (Black Sabbath, Tool, In Flames, Machine Head...) parks us pretty far into Heavy Metal territory, although I've never thought of us as a Metal band. Actually, I've never thought of Jagged Spiral as anything but "Jagged Spiral". I don't think bands should let genres push them around too much, but you do have to pitch your band, and here is how you do it:

"Hey, listen to our band, [Band Name] we are a [Genre] band from [City] and we have one [instrument 1] and a [instrument 2] and a [instrument 3]"

Obviously, Genre is a big part of the band identity, so it's been interesting to look back at what we've done in such a short time and try to define it. After all the investigation, I've decided that Jagged Spiral exists on a plane between "Heavy Metal" and "Hard Rock". Since there are no genres that define us, we made up our own: "Northern Rock". So when people ask us what genre we are, we will say Northern Rock, which answers very little. Intuitive folks might pick up on the fact that we are Loud and Cold. If they press further, or require us to pick from the existing genres, we will say Heavy Metal, but you should really listen and decide for yourself.

-Z

Labels: As the Jagged Spirals

Local Radio Station 93X almost continually plays the new Seether song, "Fake It". I like the song, but I got news for you-all: The song "Push Me" by Jagged Spiral will bitch-slap "Fake It" right back into the studio...

...when it's released, that is.

So enjoy your airplay while you can Seether, until Jagged Spiral pulls the ratings chart out from under you. Don't worry though, we'll let you open for us...

...when we play out, that is.

-Z

Labels: As the Jagged Spirals

So I'm working on some lyrics for a song of a most peculiar nature, and I was wandering the wasteland of the internet looking for lyrics to end the world by. I was astounded to find out the TRUE IDENTITY OF THE ANTICHRIST!

No, Really! I really saw it! See, *that* is why I love the internet! It has fucking Everything! The antichrist is so Totally Busted Out! HA!

Yes, my friends, now I will share with you the name of the false shepard, the son of perdition, the agent of the world's destruction is none other than...

...Prince Charles of Wales.

I know, I was just as surprised as you are! I mean, he really doesn't look that tough, I'm sure I could take him in a fair fight, but that's the thing about those Antichristses, they aren't likely to fight fair.

Like I said, I was kinda skeptical, but the proof includes the 'fact' that you can use some complicated mathematics to add up his name to get the number "666". The math was a little awkward for me, so I simplified it here for you.

First, let any name that is "Prince Charles of Wales" equal the number 665.

Second, add one, because, um, because there's only one "Prince Charles of Wales".

And WHAM-O!!! Now tell me that ol' Chuck don't have some SERIOUS explaining to do!

Never did find any good lyrical material though, but I'm sure there are plenty of words that rhyme with "Chuck"...

-Z

Labels: As the Jagged Spirals, Song Writing

Many bands have a musical reference to other bands that is integrated into their band image, usually in the form of covers, or in descriptions of the music. Even bands as preposterous as the Peppermint Creeps are providing us a cover of the Vapors smash hit: Turning Japanese. The local Minneapolis band, White Light Riot got their name from their musical heroes, White Lion, Gordon Lightfoot and Quiet Riot. And you simply don't see a CD review without the music being referenced to other recordings.

Sure, people need a reference, and it's almost impossible to tell people what the music sounds like. Billy Joel already said, "There's a new band in town, but you can't get the sound from a story in a magazine..." Worse yet, it makes it difficult to get any originality across to people when they hear you are "like Band X".

Covers in live shows are standard fare, they are a quick and painless way to stretch out your set, and they are usually fun to play. But covers on recordings are sometimes used by new bands to 'break' into radio: "Hey, if you liked Band X then your gonna Love this!" Musical comparison to other bands is required in Press Kits, and expected on websites and in the "sounds like" box on Myspace. I have no problem with giving a tip of the cap to your forebears, but I also wouldn't want to become famous for a cover song. Are there Any famous 'cover bands'? There's plenty of famous 'knockoff' bands that try to be like someone else, and if you are a talented musician but an untalented song writer, this is the way to go. Weird Al Yankovich is a 'parody band' and therefore, the exception.

When most bands cover songs they try to be extremely true to the original. I think that's not always the best idea. The closer people get to sounding like the original, the less I like it. If I wanted to hear "Cars" by Gary Numan, I would pull out the 12" vinyl record of The Pleasure Principle and cue it up. If your band manages to pull off the perfect cover of Cars, note-for-perfect-note, guess what? It still ain't the real deal. You didn't write it. But if you grab the song by the balls and give it a twist the way Fear Factory did on their Obsolete album, that's pretty cool. They made the song their own.

The best twist on a cover song was the Scissor Sisters cover of "Comfortably Numb". Brace yourself: its Disco. I'll pause here to let that sink in - A Disco version of Comfortably Numb.

...

Sacrilege right? I would have thought so if I hadn't seen them play it live at the Fine Line. Talk about making a song your own. It was pretty amazing.

Not that all cover songs need to be twisted. Led Zepplin's "Rock and Roll" was made to be covered and played live, but there is no need for anyone to release a recording of their bands version of this song.

I'm blogging up all this nonsense about covers because Jagged Spiral is learning some covers to pad our (dare I say it?) live set. Each of us picked a song (and of course, we all have to agree that the other's choices won't make us puke). Eleven picked "Temple of Love" by The Sisters of Mercy. We played through "Temple of Love" a few times, and decided it was a keeper, it's a good song for us to play just the way it is, without much twisting at all. We will still sound more like Jagged Spiral than The Sisters of Mercy, and I think that's a good thing, since we aren't The Sisters of Mercy.

Josh picked Black Sabbath's "Children of the Grave". We haven't practiced this song together just yet, but I think that song will suit us well.

I was waffleing over some ancient Marillion songs like "Freaks" but Josh asked me if I might like to cover the Fleetwood Mac song, "Tusk". Wow. Simple, distinctive, catchy, cool. We listened to the song and talked about the tuning, structure and progression of the song. We are going to give it a try next week, and see if we can make it work for us.

Anyway, the image of Jagged Spiral is growing, as we pick cover songs that define us as a band, and as we pick out references to other bands for our press kit. I'm also working on the band logo.
It will be interesting to see what all this adds up to...

-Z

Labels: As the Jagged Spirals, Practice/Jam

I feel the need to dispel some rumors about Jagged Sprial, and the lack of blog postings in recent weeks.

1) I (Zero) have Not been abducted, drafted, admitted or committed to any mental institutions. Any recent visits to foreign countries on my part were completely voluntary.

2) Josh has not jumped on the Rehabilitation bandwagon, nor checked himself into Hazelton, nor shaved his head, although I can neither confirm nor deny rumors that he shaved his armpits.

3) Colin has not left the band to start a secret, underground society in attempts to overthrow all other secret, underground societies.

No, No, and No to these and many other silly rumors, I assure you that Jagged Spiral is not only alive and kicking, but feeding the musical fuel tank with beer and burritos and generating on average two new songs per month. If we ever finished the songs, that would be noteworthy.

Also, the album Days From Evil has come out of mastering and we have given it several listens in different venues, including in the car, in the studio, in the living room, in the bathroom, in the bedroom, and that one time we tapped into the PA system at Southdale Mall, which caused lots of fighting, riots and oddly enough; breakdancing. All in all, we are happy with the results and should have the album declaired as "Finished" any day now.

We have also narrowed down options for a band Logo, and sketched some ideas for cover art.

Stay tuned...

-Zero

Labels: As the Jagged Spirals, Days From Evil, Recording Update

I'm not entirely sure what happened. We were supposed to be practicing. It could have been the weather, or the strange mood I was in (sullen with hints of paranoia, a splash of bitter, and two splashes of Captain Morgan Spiced Rum) More likely it was the Monster Energy Drink Josh finished just before he showed up.

Either way, our "practice" of some new song crashed to a unappealing halt, and we looked at each other disparagingly.

Then it happened. Suddenly, all three of our caffeine/alcohol indices crossed at one point on the creativity chart.

"Hey," I said to Eleven, "What was that punk thing you were doing before, you remember?"

"Sure," he nodded and Launched. Josh followed. I started screaming, and I couldn't tell if I was making lyrics up or possessed by a sudden bout of Tourettes' Syndrome.

Regardless, a new song was flushed out in less than half an hour: God Hates Emo.

I can tell you that it's loud, and fast, and punk. It ends with some chuggy/chanting bit. This is the song we open the show with. If we make another recording it will be the first song.

It is the exclamation mark at the end of the sentence: "Jagged Spiral Declares War On Emo!"

I'm sending a copy to Chris Carrabba, in hopes that he will repent and change his ways.

I'm sending another copy to the Pope, in the hopes that he will realize the error of his ways and leave Homosexuals alone, and go after Emo Bands instead.

I'm sending another copy to Suzanne Vega because I LOVE Suzanne Vega and send her daily updates of everything I do.

I'm sending another copy to Geddy Lee, with a request that we open for RUSH on the "Snakes and Arrows" tour.

I'll let you know how this all pans out...

-Zero

Labels: As the Jagged Spirals, Emo Sucks, Practice/Jam

The Entire Jagged Spiral Crew (And 2/3 of our fans) went to First Avenure last night for the Celtic Frost / Type O Negative show. There was an opening band, but unfortunately we got there just as they ended.

After a refreshing frisk at the doorway, we proceeded upstairs where we could get our drink on. When the sound check started for Celtic Frost, we decended to the mosh pit.

I don't know about you-all, but I learned long ago that I do not pay $22 to hide near the coat check, or hang near the womens restroom to oogle. I can go do that for free at Barnes and Noble in Maple Grove. The quality isn't nearly as good, but you get what you pay for...but I digress.

Anyway, I don't fear the mosh pit, at least not here in Minnesota. So we stood in the center of the crowd when Celtic Frost opened up, and held our ground until the end of their set.

They were Loud. They were Tight. They were ON. These guys have been playing for YEARS. Celtic Frost was popular with skaters back in the 80's fer chrissake. They were scary. They wore face paint, and they made KISS look like a bunch of pussies. I could easily imagine any of them dismembering fans and roadies alike backstage as a warmup for the show. (Especially the bass player [shiver])

The band finished, and the drummer threw his drumsticks into the mosh pit. One of the sticks bounced off at least three outstretched hands before rolling to at stop at the feet of...

Josh.

I'm telling you that stick went to him, like he was meant to have it.

He did not pick it up right away. He looked around first, as the room went silent, and the eyes of the entire crowd watched to see what he would do. Then as gracefully as King Arthur pulling Excalibre from the stone, Josh picked up the drumstick that had pounded a ringing into our ears for the last hour (My ears are still ringing.)

I did a quick check of all the available exits, and prepared myself for impending Moshpit Hogpile of Doom sure to follow, but no one made a move. Suddenly, we were saved by the house music and the video of Seth Green's show where he plays with dolls. Everyone's eyes glazed over and were pulled to the pretty lights on the big video screen, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

I might always regret not thinking to track down the person with the other drumstick and seeing if they would part with it or sell it...

Type-O Negative was next, and the intro to their show was quite rude. It started with extremely loud polka music (The Chicken Dance, in fact) which was REALLY loud. That lasted forever, and just when I thought I couldn't stand any more, they lowered the music, and someone walked out on stage. The crowd started to cheer...

...and it was a fucking roadie. Then the lights came back up, and the loud polka music.

This was almost funny once, but they proceeded to repeat this joke several times. [Note to self: Never do this. It is rude to the audience. The audience is why you are on stage. If you don't care about your audience That Much, then simply don't go on tour.]

Eventually, Type-O Negative actually came out on stage, and we once again held our ground at the edge of the mosh pit. A few times we got sucked into the swirling void of flailing bodies, (and I got punched in the nose by an underaged girl, I'm assuming it was an accident) There were plenty of other attractions and distractions in the moshpit, but mostly Type-O Negative was shiny, high-goth metallic.

After the show, Josh pointed out that Type-O Negative on stage sounded Exactly like Type-O Negative on their latest album, Dead Again, and there endeth the lesson.

Mosh On,
-Zero

Labels: As the Jagged Spirals, Concert

It was a strange weekend.

There we were; Josh, 11 and myself, all minding our own business and peacefully enjoying the scenery at BJ's bar in Minneapolis. I had just finished my standard poison of choice, and ordered a second: Tequila, Whisky, Diet Coke, twist of orange, dash of cinnamon (I haven't named it yet)

Next thing we knew, we were on a Russian Trawler, tied to chairs and being interrogated by a group which I think was the Siberian/Lesbianese Army. Whoever they were, they did not shave, had horrible breath and were as unintelligibly drunk as we were. (We later agreed that the food was slightly better than at BJ's bar.)

Sunday night, we were returned. Our band manager, Sugar, gave us a quite severe lecture on safety, sobriety, international law, and the Geneva Convention. She showed us This Letter which seems to suggest that since our manager wasn't responding to the ransom notes, our captors decided to return us. We couldn't figure out which one of us was "the loud one" although I probably snore the loudest of us three, especially after drinking.

I'm sure there is a moral to this story, but I'll be damned if I know what it is. Probably "Don't mix Tequila with Whisky unless you know what you are doing." Hell, we're professionals, and we still got Shanghai-ed.

So be careful,
-Zero

Labels: As the Jagged Spirals